The Driving Part 7

“I must not Fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.”-Paul Atreides, Dune

Lauren opted to drive for the next block with Will riding shotgun. This was the least comfortable time to be a passenger. Several things contributed to the unease of the van One, Lauren is rather small in stature. The van does not accommodate for this well. So, waking up from a fitful slumber to see her looking up to see out the windshield did not inspire confidence in her ability to see the road, oncoming traffic, or any thing below the tree line. Two, Lauren drives a small compact car, not a van, so those of us in the back were shaken about as she would auto correct from time to time. Three, she may have driven on the wrong side of the road at least twice once in daylight. Four, breakneck erratic steering. Quite disheartening. The early morning passed in an impressionist fashion as sleep finally stole my consciousness away. Wake up; Lauren has both hands fumbling with her cd player trying to loop the Alice in Wonderland Soundtrack. Panic. Fall asleep. Wake up; light starting to break through night sky we are on the wrong side of the road trying to find a Starbucks. Lauren can only drink Starbucks coffee, well half coffee half non-dairy creamer. Panic. Fall asleep. Wake up; the van party has talked her into stopping at a Waffle House. I’ve never been so happy to eat at 24/7 breakfast restaurant in my life. As a side note, Kelly has never eaten at one before. She was excited to be stopped and eating some place entirely new for her.

The Driving Part 6

I began to look for a rest area around 4:30, we were still in Tennessee at this point and we were close to entering Alabama. Elizabeth was having difficulty staying awake so she had decided not to drive next but she insisted that we let someone else drive so we could both get rest. For safety reasons, she stayed awake my entire shift.

Finding a rest area was critical because we seemed to spend too much time stopping at gas stations. Like magpies we stopped to look at every shiny thing the station offers killing about 25-30 minutes instead of a quick 15 minute potty break before pealing rubber once more. I tried to save us some time but I began to notice that we hadn’t passed a roadside rest area for about an hour and a half. I would have thought that on the other side of Chattanooga there would be more rest areas. Apparently, there aren’t any rest stops in the South. There are Sleeping Lots but no rest areas, weird. I finally aquesced to my co-pilots demands and we changed drivers once more in Alabama. Which began a very unfortunate part of the trip.

The Driving Part 5

“Bodhi means being awake, and sattva means a living being…All of us are sometimes Bodhisattvas, and sometimes not.”- Thich Nhat Hanh from The Heart of Understanding

Being one of two people awake between two and four in the morning is oddly electrifying. I knew that I was tired. I hadn’t slept well since the Wednesday before the trip and yet there I was driving with near full faculties. I managed my three hour shift without seeing one shadowy critter. Elizabeth and I chatted about the trip, our relationship, the future, politics, nearly anything. It was great.I drove throughout the entirety of Kentucky. There’s a large amount of personal satisfaction to ticking off a state from the trip’s road map.

Since I was manning the helm I got to witness driving into one of the larger cities that we drove through on the trip. The van rounded a bend high up on a mountain and it looked out over Chattanooga, Tennessee. Fun to say and drive through.

Lights spread from one end of the visible horizon to the other. A grid work galaxy twinkling out with the lights from thousands of streetlamps and porch lights; millions of watts being used to create a static plain of clear illumination.

The streets were congestion free which made me the happiest camper. I despise driving. I loathe driving through cities. I tense up from knuckle to lower back making my entire body immovably uncomfortable. At 3:30 in the morning though, I saw perhaps five other cars which allowed me to acutely enjoy the experience of driving. It also allowed me to live out some of my more anti-social fantasies where I assumed another great plague rolled through freeing up space for those of us left. I did not share this thought with the sleeping van. Though Elizabeth and I chatted about it.

The Driving Part 4: The Long Dark Highway

We pulled into a closed gas station. Up to this point in my life my traveling has been limited to a grand total of five different cities most of them within a two hour distance. I've never been to a massive city or out of the country. So, I was in for numerous surprises on this trip. My first was that gas stations close. I apparently in a travel hub, a spot where cars and semis stop to refill before they get the hell outta’ Dodge, so in essence they don’t close. Imagine my shock that there was no place to stop at two in the morning .

I learned how to drive in an Astro van. In fact, if I really had to, I could parallel park it in under a half an hour. I know the Astro van pretty well so I know what features come standard. Cassette tape, Ac, slow acceleration, and the world’s most uncomfortable driver’s chair. Somehwhere, deep within the Chevy R&D department I can just imagine some technician cackling to himself as he designs the new chair.

*A Dramatic Reenactment*

“Yes! Yes! Excellent! There’s no way someone under 5’5” could see over the steering wheel without a large book as a booster! Brillant! After ten hours of use the cushion deteriorates so badly that the solid steel rods we’ve used as the frame begins to actually physically cut the driver. Not just the circulation in his legs but his flesh! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA”

The Driving Part 3: Shadow Creatures

“Did you guys see that?”

This kind of question gets all the attention it deserves in very specific scenarios. Horror movies have engrained this survival skill in my generation. As Kelly was finishing the syllables in that a van that was completely unconscious was suddenly wide awake.

As I was the first to respond, “No, what was it?”

“I dunno. I looked like a buffalo, but it was completely dark. Like a shadow buffalo.”

I can hear she’s exhausted and I know she couldn’t have had more than two sips of her coffee before it took a dive.

“Kelly, I think you should take a break from driving. Because I think you’re hallucinating.”

“I’m sure I saw it! But I am very tired and would much appreciate someone else driving.”

“I believe you. I’ll drive next. Let’s find someplace to pull off.

I did believe her. While driving at night I’ve seen some pretty weird things as well. My least favorite are shadows that look startlingly like people.

The Driving Part 2

The Tamarack substation contained a 24 hour Starbucks so the caffiene obsessed and late night drivers could get their fix before hitting the tenebrous twisting roads that would take us through the mountains. I work in coffee shop owned by Starbuck corp. so I generally refuse to drink the foul tasting black swill. I prefer to burn out my pituitary gland with kidney killing energy drinks owned by Coca Cola. Elizabeth, Lauren, and Kelly bought coffees and cakes. While I showed my good friend Will the wonders of flattening a penny for the mere cost of fifty-one cents. He seemed to think that it was wasteful expensive while I assured him that it was all part of the fine traveling/touristing tradition.

After fueling our bodies and emptying our bladders we set out again for parts hazily shown to us on mapquest. The gps I brought along guided us as best it could. This is foreshadowing. Kelly decided to drive this second leg of our trip. She started us off on the right track. Too right of a track actually as when she veered back onto the interstate her grande/vente/tall/large whatever you call it coffee tipped over the side of the cup holder and into obscurity. I say obscurity because after a round of cursing from the rather demure Kelly we pulled into the nearest gas station so we could clean the interior of the van. At the time we could not find where the coffee had spilled. All cats being gray in the dark, or in this case all things are indecipherable in the dark, it was difficult for us to find the dark liquid on the already dark interior in the night. Looking slightly into the future however, it was easy to spot the large waterfall reminiscent stain in the morning that started near the cup holder and ran under the floor mat.

Kelly drove for a solid two hours before she began to hallucinate slightly. Nodding in and out has always fascinated my as I wonder what did I miss those moments someone flicked the off switch in my head. Was it important? Will there be a quiz? I woke suddenly and in pain because car seats are not comfortable particularly when two people are trying to sleep on the same bench. Kelly looks back quickly trying to keep her eyes on the road.

Southern Misadventures Part 3: The Driving Part

The night stretched out before us much like a cat on the newspaper you're reading at the moment. A playful but irritating sort of night. Environmental forces conspired against us that night. Nothing major. Thankfully. No flash floods or major accidents. Just little things as though we had another passenger. A sort of Trip Goblin that made sure certain gas stations would be closed, drinks would be spilled, jerky disdained, and wrong turns.

Our first scheduled stop before the long, dark coma sleep of the road was the Tamarack Craft and Gift shop. The shop provides easy stopping for the huge amount of semi traffic along 77 south while also granting the "Best West Virginia has to offer." This amounts to a lot of wicker craft, false flowers, and other kitsch wares that proclaim how proud we West Virginians are to produce folksy tourists traps. We're fine with Tamarack but we certainly are not "Open For Business".

The group at large needed Starbucks.

Part 2 Continued

Saturday morning brought the top secret Graduate Records Examinations which seemed to go well enough. After the test the real pain was getting six people in one place long enough to pack a half sized van. I returned from the test around two o'clock but by the time Elizabeth and I packed, bought provisions for the eighteen-plus hour drive, and ate it was near eight. Tensions were already quite high with several of the trip members before the van left the Mid-Ohio valley.

There were six of us in the Fellowship of the Van. Will, Lauren, Kelly, Phil, Elizabeth, and myself. Five Ohioans and one poor West Virginian. Five carnivores and one vegan. Three spiritual but not practicing Christians, Two devout Christians, and one Neo-Pagan. Three boys and three girls. Two people in relationships, two single people, and one couple. Three of age drinkers and three underage. Six college students, trying their hardest to make it not resemble an episode of the Real World.

Leaving at eight at night provided a smooth and extremely quiet drive. The further down the interstate we drove the less cars we began to see until we were the only light on the road. Shadowy landscape blurred past in varying shades of black. Black trees, grass, road, and even abyssal wildlife moved in an alternative state of nocturnal existence.

After driving for more than two hours we drove through the capital of my state. I pointed out all the landmarks that I thought important which in Charleston it mostly involved me pointing with the remark "Look a gold dome. We paid for that."

Southern Misadventures Part 2: The Beginning

(psst open the links in a new tab)

Like some tales of odyssean travel, ours begins with a house. Two houses actually. Well, a house and a dorm...

Anyway, My girlfriend, Elizabeth, and i leading up to the trip departure date, which was a Saturday, were house-sitting for a well-off woman that Elizabeth's family knew. We took care of the dog and cat, watered plants, and watched some amazing t.v.; the usual house-sitting fare. The only problems with the sitting portion was how little sleep we got, the dog, and how packed the weekend was going to be. As I, foolishly, overbooked the weekend with tons of activities. A concert on Thursday, GRE on Saturday, and leaving for Louisiana. Elizabeth and i went to the concert. Found a great new band, but almost died. Exaggeration? Unfortunately not.

The title act at this rock show was Flogging Molly. An Irish punk rock band of some note. Elizabeth and i settled into the seething mass of people. Each jostling one another for a better place to listen to the over 130 decibel performance. The band takes the stage after the lights dim. Cacophonous screams from the crowd echo off the interior of the concert hall/bar. Flogging Molly play a whole fifteen seconds before I immediately have my senses tweaked for the fight or flight response. The issue i was having reflected the poor construction of the concert hall. The area we were standing, with five hundred of our closest black clad friends, was recessed below the bar level. This design would have worked wonders had it been a dance hall or a place to dine. A rock show turned the space into a giant push pit. A distant cousin of the mosh pit and all the more terrifying.

Mosh pits are voluntary collectives where people can elect to subject themselves to the flying fists of other flagellants. The push pit however, traps the entire audience in a tidal crush of human flesh. Those in the back would push forward as far as they can before being repelled by the backs of the concert goer in front. Didn't want to be in the push pit? Too bad! Because now you're going to die. Elizabeth and I decided to leave at this point or we attempted to. Some of the audience was a bit more raucous than others and as i was dragging Elizabeth out of the crowd some nameless ne'erdowell grabbed hold of her scarf in an attempt to keep the comely lady in their proximity. Unaware of this i began to tug harder on her arm exacerbating the issue. Luckily i managed to pull her free and we left the concert early.

Journey Down South Part 1 in a series of Misadventures

The wanderlust college students feel during their spring semester can only be compared what some migratory birds feel when the seasons change. My friends and i are no different. In fact, we're about as college as you can get in a roundabout way as we enjoy the concept, the stereotype, of being collegiate. We felt that same pull to travel for a few years but generally lacked the funds that make such reckless poorly planned thousand mile drives plausible. This year was different though.; Something was in the air. Mostly snow at the time. We wanted to escape. We needed to escape and as Malcolm, the tall mathematician in Jurassic Park, once said "Life will find a way." More concretely, we found Will.

One of my roommates began an extremely long distance relationship with a girl who used to go to school with us. Her name was Meg and she volunteers in Louisiana for a program called Teach For America. This travel log is the result of shoving six people into a well used Chevy Astro van and driving from Ohio to Louisiana in order to see Baton Rouge and New Orleans and one man to see his significant other. Let the misadventures begin.